?

Log in

No account? Create an account
hidden_talent's Journal
 
[Most Recent Entries] [Calendar View] [Friends]

Below are the 12 most recent journal entries recorded in hidden_talent's LiveJournal:

Saturday, June 19th, 2004
5:17 pm
[drkstar695]
Friday, May 21st, 2004
1:44 pm
[drkstar695]
What would I do if you had said yes?
I can’t even begin to guess,
I stand here before you about to cry,
All I can do is ask myself why?
Why did I ask you, what was I thinking?
As I feel my eyes water, I can’t help blinking,
Never in my life have I felt so much pain,
I’ve got no more to lose, I have nothing to gain,
For everything I had is now gone,
You took all that I cared for, with my heart in your palm,
You threw it away as if it meant nothing,
What once was so close is now barely touching,
Our friendship meant so much to me,
Obviously more than you can see,
I just can’t seem to stop thinking of you,
And I can’t help but to ask, do you think of me too?

Current Mood: artistic
Sunday, May 16th, 2004
12:01 am
[goth_penguin]

"I don't love her," I pleaded with Stef. I understand why she was so upset, but did she really have to take it out on me?

"You have to if you did that!" Steffie screamed at me and ran away. I was left there alone and trying to figure it all out, it really wasn't my fault. It all goes back to Steffie and Cara'a fight over something that none of us can remember, only that Cara and Steffie were mad at each other. I guess I shouldn't have been at the dance club alone with my girlfriend's enemy, but I didn't plan it that way, it just sort of happened. I remember that night and now I can't believe I never saw it coming, mainly because Cara had announced a few days after the fight that she had feelings for me. Steffie and I were at the dance club, a new place, the Bamboo Room, Steffie had gone to the restroom and I was waiting for her to return, when Cara came over, I didn't even know she was there, but she and I started talking. "Hey, didn't think I'd see you here." Cara began the conversation.

"Oh, hi. You should probably not talk to me, I'm here with Stef."

"So you're going to let her control who you talk to?"

"No, it's just that I don't want her to get upset tonight, it's our anniversary."

"Oh yea, one month right?"

"Yep." At that moment I realized how close she was too me, I began to get uncomfortable. I didn't want her to kiss me, but she did. I tried to back away, but I was leaning against a wall. Steffie had come out of the restroom just in time to see Cara kissing me; she was too upset to notice my helpless attempts at escape. "I knew it!" she screamed as she ran out of the building, I tried to chase after her, but I lost her in the crowd. As I was getting into my car to leave, Cara ran over, "Are you going to let her control you?"

"No, but I really don't like you, so leave me alone!"

I didn't believe him, how could he not like me? Why would anyone like Stef better than me? I guess he was just too diluted to realize it. "I don't think that's true."

"Yes it is. Why don't you get a reality check? I don't like you that way!" He sped away after he yelled that last sentence to me. I didn't know just exactly how this would affect us all, but in the next month I would see Stef go from the beautiful girl that she was now, to a shadowy figure dragging herself around as if she didn't care anymore. It was a month later when I realized the exact repercussions of my actions, and I didn't like them.

 

The girl trudged up the stairs, tossed her bag in her locker, and violently threw the door shut. She leaned against the red door and slid down, her eyes glittering with tears. As she sat mourning a boy approached the locker next to her, "What's wrong, Stef?"

"Why would you care, in fact you'd probably be happy if I followed trough with my plan."

"What plan?" the boy asked as he sat next to her. She ignored the question and replied with another question, "Wouldn't it be great if I didn't come to school tomorrow...or ever?"

"You don't want to kill yourself, do you?"

"Why? You wouldn't care unless I were Cara." At that she pulled out a black handled switchblade and slit the left side of her throat. "I loved you" were the last words she whispered to Trent as she fell into his lap. He took out a cell phone and dialed 3 numbers. Nick saw what happened, ran over, and picked up the limp figure. Trent and Nick escorted the figure down the stairs, and that's when Cara saw. She let out a scream and fell to the floor in tears. The ambulance pulled up a school coming alive over the loss of one life. Trent left with the red body hoping it wouldn't leave him forever.

As I woke up, all I saw was white, and one lonely figure. I thought I was in heaven, I didn't know how after what I did. Then I realized who it was, and I signed to him. I couldn't talk; at that point I didn't think I'd ever be able to talk again. Trent looked up when he noticed I was signing the question, "Where am I?" to him. Luckily he knew what I meant. He answered allowed, "You're in the hospital. Most people didn't think you'd make it, but I did."

"But y would u b here?" I signed back, reducing words to letters for the sake of energy.

"Because I love you too." It was at this point that I realized we were the only two in the white sanitized room, the only signs of life. I stared at him, happy inside, confused outside. A long moment of awkwardly heavy silence hung in the air until Trent broke it, "Do you remember any thing from that day?"

"No" was my outwardly response, but inside I knew it all from what I had for breakfast to the very second I pulled the knife.

"Do you remember why?"

"Yes"

"Then why?"

"Bcuz nobody cares about me. Y would they?"

"I'm sorry, but I care. You can't say that no one does, why would you be here today if nobody did?"

"Bcuz you wanted to save urself the pain of seeing someone go. Anyone feels bad when their enemy dies, so would you."

He could see that every letter was taking a lot to say, not because I had been unconscious, but because what I said hurt him and me.

"Even if that were true, there had to be something about you that made the whole school shed tears, mostly from me and Cara."

"In each otherÕs arms," I answered coldly.

"Why can't you accept that you're the girl I want?"

She thought for a long while about that question, finally she spelled a simply complicated answer, "Depression." I couldnÕt understand, I mean how could I? I had never been depressed, I didn't know what it was like, but in a way I did understand. The world seemed to make more sense in that instant of time. I must have given her a look inviting an explanation, because she streamed into rapid spelling.

"I cannot be happy. It is not my choice, I want to believe it, but my mind won't let me."

I looked into Steffie's beautiful green eyes and saw truth mingled with joy and sorrow. I spoke again, my voice a bit shaky, "Do you want to be alive?"

"I am not sure."

I walked into the room to see Steffie sitting up for a change, and Trent asking her a question. I couldn't help but think, "You idiot! She can't talk!" She did respond, with her hands, I knew what it was, but not what it meant. I walked in as cheerily as I could, despite my weariness, "Hey! You're back!" She responded with more signing. "What did she say?" I asked feeling very stupid for not knowing. Trent answered, "She says, 'Hi, Cara.'" It puzzled me how she could be glad to see me when it seemed that I was the reason for her attempt at death. Trent left the room to call Steffie's parents, and tell them the news. I stood there until she signed something again, I must have looked confused, because she began to make signs as if she were writing, so I took my notebook out of my bag, and handed it to her with a pen.

"You'll probably think I'm stupid for asking, but would you mind too much if I went out with Trent?" I was stunned, why would she ask me now, after I had back stabbed her. And why now? Perhaps she thought it had only been a few days, or maybe she wanted things to get back to normal as quickly as possible. Slowly I began, "I would be jealous, but I wouldn't make a big deal out of it, you know old crushes die hard." I didn't mean for that to be mean, but she shot me a hurt look.

"I didn't mean it like that..." sadly I attempted an apology.

"No, it's ok you donÕt need to explain I know, it's just that it still hurts."

She really was sorry, and I wasn't going to deny that. There was another silence broken, again, by Trent. As he entered I signed to him to sit down and to invite Cara to do the same. Trent, Cara, and I talked with Trent translating as the conversation progressed; writing took too long. Finally it dawned on me, it was the middle of the day, "Shouldn't you be in school?"
"Umm, no it's summer," Trent reluctantly stated. This hit me real hard; I was out for over a month. Trent saw this and began, "It was a long time, but--" I cut him off, ÒIt was, and you wasted your time sitting round here waiting for me to wake up. Now I have and--"

"And what? Were glad youÕre back." Cara stopped me.

"I guess so." I answered weakly.

"Time will tell how all of this turns out."

"Time will tell how all of this turns out," my grandpa used to say that. I thought it might help, but I guess I was wrong.

"No, I want it all to be resolved now." How could it be? It was all too involved, too long a time to be resolved quickly.

"But it can't, you did something that caused too much pain."

"Don't people think I made a painful decision? People seem to care more about how much pain I caused them."

"I know how painful a decision that was," Cara stated, almost silently.

"How would you know?" Stef scribbled viciously.

"I have scars up and down my body from cutting, I wanted to kill myself, but my dad found out and took me to the shrink. Why do you think I'm always busy on Saturdays?

"But you didn't."

"So it doesn't matter I considered it, and you didn't either!"

"I attempted, but this boy here had to save me," she gave me a look of mixed gratitude and anger.

He looked at me, his eyes again asking if life was a good gift. I burst into tears comforted by the stiff hospital blanket. Cara was too angry with me; she left tears balancing on her eyelashes. Trent didn't know what to do, how could he? Here we were two high school seniors one in tears, the other confused, so he put his arms around me and held me close. I never felt safer than as I did in that moment. While I cried my life seemed to fall away like my tears, it was just me and Trent, frozen in time.

I knew then and there, she was truly a special girl, many people thought I was crazy, but as we sat there with the music of muffled tears, I knew she was the girl for me. We could never go back now, the three of us had too powerful of an experience not to be changed. I will never really know if I was changed for the better, but Steffie was.

A month had passed since I woke up with stitches, the wound had not completely healed, it was infected while I was unconscious. It was finally beginning to heal, but I would always have the reminder of my sin. Never could I forget the pain I caused, physically, mentally, in me and in others. It was the day before I was to leave, I woke at about eight, and Trent was still by my side. I tried to speak, possibly for the first time in 2 months, my voice was horse and shaky. "I've thought it over," were my first words, Trent was startled and confused by my statement.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean whether I want to live or not."

"And?"

"I want to live as long as you're here with me."

"I don't disagree with that." Trent smiled at me; I hugged him back. All seemed like it had fallen into place.

As we sat there I found myself tracing my finger along her scar, "If you could get rid of it would you?"

"No, I wouldn't, it reminds me of how precious life really is." I looked into those endless emerald eyes and saw, for the first time in ever, true happiness.

Friday, April 30th, 2004
10:29 pm
[goth_penguin]
Hi this is me little ol' talent less me yes maybe i shouldn't be here cuz im little ol' talentless me, but what do i know? im a crazy crazy psycho....yes at ne rate to let yall know i dont think i should be in this community unless yall have a talent for me...hmmm lets see cant sing..(AT ALL NO ONE SAY OTHER WISE OR YE SHALL FACE THE WRATH OF A FREAK!) cznt dance (at all).. cant act...not a very good musician (just ambitious thats y i got on the pit cuz everyone makes it) umm well yea no talents here so yea


***just so yall know the above is a product of extreme bordom***

Current Mood: amused
Thursday, April 29th, 2004
9:54 am
[orange_turtle25]
Apparently I have a good singing voice. Could this be considered a hidden_talent? I guess so since I didn't know...I dunno I'm just bored and needed something to do.

Current Mood: bored
Tuesday, April 27th, 2004
1:45 pm
[drkstar695]
A Poem by ME!!!
I'm cursed by a plague, a plague unseen,
A plague which only you can cure,
This plague, that makes me like a hag, unclean,
But you are the cure to make me pure,

For you are my hope, my ray of light,
You can help me win this fight,
I'm damned to hell where I shall burn,
Because my soul, for you I yearn,
But you are the water to put out hell's fire,
For you can save me, give into desire,

For I'm cursed by a plague, a plague unseen,
A plague which only you can cure,
This plague, that makes me like a hag, unclean,
But you are the cure to make me pure,

When I was born, I received the kiss of death,
But death was destroyed with your sweet kiss of life,
Just when I thought I would breathe my last breath,
You made me pure, and ended my strife,

For I'm cursed by a plague, a plague unseen,
A plague which only you can cure,
This plague, that makes me like a hag, unclean,
But you are the cure to make me pure,

You are the light that conquers the dark world I live in,
For I live in the darkness, surrounded by sin,
When I was blind, you were my eyes, cured my sight,
You conquered the darkness with your radiant light,

For I'm cursed by a plague, a plague unseen,
A plague which only you can cure,
This plague, that makes me like a hag, unclean,
But you are the cure to make me pure,

But now things are different, I'm slipping away,
Part of me is fading, there's no more to say,
For no-one can save me, not even you,
Nothing can help me, there's no more to do,

For I'm cursed by a plague, a plague unseen,
A plague which not even you could cure,
This plague, that makes me like a hag, unclean,
There is not a cure to make me pure,

So now I lay here, now I cry,
Now I'll stay here, now I'll die

Current Mood: creative
1:34 pm
[goth_penguin]
Purely in the interests of science, I have replaced the word "wand" with "wang" in the first Harry Potter Book
Let's see the results...

"Why aren't you supposed to do magic?" asked Harry.
"Oh, well -- I was at Hogwarts meself but I -- er -- got expelled, ter tell yeh the truth. In me third year. They snapped me wang in half an' everything

A magic wang... this was what Harry had been really looking forward to.

"Yes, yes. I thought I'd be seeing you soon. Harry Potter." It wasn't a question. "You have your mother's eyes. It seems only yesterday she was in here herself, buying her first wang. Ten and a quarter inches long, swishy, made of willow. Nice wang for charm work."
"Your father, on the other hand, favored a mahogany wang. Eleven inches. "

Harry took the wang. He felt a sudden warmth in his fingers. He raised the wang above his head, brought it swishing down through the dusty air and a stream of red and gold sparks shot from the end like a firework, throwing dancing spots of light on to the walls

"Oh, move over," Hermione snarled. She grabbed Harry's wang, tapped the lock, and whispered, 'Alohomora!"

The troll couldn't feel Harry hanging there, but even a troll will notice if you stick a long bit of wood up its nose, and Harry's wang had still been in his hand when he'd jumped - it had gone straight up one of the troll's nostrils.

He bent down and pulled his wang out of the troll's nose. It was covered in what looked like lumpy gray glue.

He ran onto the field as you fell, waved his wang, and you sort of slowed down before you hit the ground. Then he whirled his wang at the dementors. Shot silver stuff at them.

Ok
I have found, definitive proof
that J.K Rowling is a dirty DIRTY woman, making a fool of us all
"Yes," Harry said, gripping his wang very tightly, and moving into the middle of the deserted classroom. He tried to keep his mind on flying, but something else kept intruding.... Any second now, he might hear his mother again... but he shouldn't think that, or he would hear her again, and he didn't want to... or did he?
O_______O
Something silver-white, something enormous, erupted from the end of his wang

Then, with a sigh, he raised his wang and prodded the silvery substance with its tip.

'Get - off - me!' Harry gasped. For a few seconds they struggled, Harry pulling at his uncles sausage-like fingers with his left hand, his right maintaining a firm grip on his raised wang.
Friday, April 23rd, 2004
11:04 pm
[drkstar695]
a poem by me
Life is depressing, life is sad,
Life is dark, life makes me mad,
Life is like a rainy sky of gray,
I beg for someone to take my pain away,
I receive no answers, not one little sign,
I fear that I'm running out of time,
I feel that my options may be running out,
I walk all alone on this lonely gray route,
No one can help, for nobody cares,
The pain is too much, more than I can bear,
I'm secluded in darkness, alone, cold, and scared,
I need you to help me, your wisdom must be shared,
I want someone to help me, to just be my guide,
I need someone near me, right here by my side,
The pain hurts so much, more each night and each day,
The colors of my world are blacks, reds, and grays,
Each night I cry blood red tears,
No words could ever describe all my fears,
I need someone to love me, but nobody will,
Darkness fills my heart with a cold icy chill,
I never imagined life was this hard,
But all the black life contains has caught me off-guard,
The pain that life causes, it hurts more than death,
I feel the easiest way out is to breathe my last breath,
Each moment of life is a terrified cry,
Please someone help me, I don't want to die,
But here in this world, I'm so cold and alone,
I'm screaming for help, yet my call goes unknown,
It's as if there's no hope, no unseen ray of light,
The light fades to darkness, black conquers the white,
The pain keeps increasing, I'm slipping away,
But the pain will be gone by the end of the day,
There's no more I can do,
But I want you to know, all I wanted was you,
I wanted you to help me, but you just couldn't see,
How desperately in need of your help I could be,
But now no one can help me, not even you,
For no matter what, their help would never be true,
And by true, I mean it doesn't come from the heart,
Life wears me down, from this world I'll depart,
The darkness has conquered the brightness of day,
The thoughts I am thinking, no words could display,
I'm a rose without water, a rose without light,
A rose without purpose, a rose without life,
I struggle for life,
But I'm losing the fight,
For you were my water, the light of my day,
But when you abandoned me, you took life away,
I wish you were here to tell me what to do,
But you can not help me, for your heart is not true,
All I know now is the darkness of night,
I long for you, I long for light,
But my pain has now ended, as life comes to a close,
I lay silent and still, this shall be my last pose,
My head rests on my pillow, I lay still on my bed,
My cheeks are stained by my tears of blood red,
It almost looks as though I'm sleeping,
But the truth is that I died while I was weeping,l
Crying and weeping, weeping for you,
For although I loved you, you were not true,
The window is closed now, to shut out your light,
I no longer need it, I've ended my plight.
------------------------------------------------------------------------

Current Mood: creative
11:01 pm
[drkstar695]
happiness
true happiness...true happiness is
having sum1 who puts up w/ ur stupidity
having sum1 who will let u cry on their shoulder when ur sad or upset
knowing that ur friends love u 4 who u really r
being able 2 say something that doesn't make ne sense...and ppl still know what u mean
knowing that ur friends support ur decisions...no matter what they r and y u make them
being able 2 hang out w/ ur friends, do absolutely nothing, and still have a great time
BUT MOST OF ALL:
TRUE HAPPINESS IS HAVING ALL OF U GUYS AS FRIENDS!

Current Mood: peaceful
8:55 pm
[theitcheraser]
Hello! I have joined this community, therefore it now ROCKS!!! :D What the hell are we supposed to write about in here?
7:59 pm
[goth_penguin]
doo doo doo I really have nothing to say I juat want to say Hi to everyone here and that this is truely a happy day so be Happy dammit or I shall make you be happy! :)

Current Mood: weird
Thursday, April 22nd, 2004
8:23 pm
[drkstar695]
hey all! ok so prom is 2morrow so 4 whoever's going...have a super great time! neway...ok...so in like 2 weeks, the miracle worker opens...me and sum of my friends r in it...so i hope all of u come c it! welll...thats all i have 2 say 4 now...so i love all of u
xoxo
Liz

Current Mood: amused
About LiveJournal.com